Into the Abyss

As of Friday, I officially made the leap and become a stay-at-home mom. Wow. Me? On the eve of this magnificent and daunting change, I was in my kitchen cooking up some zucchini bread (grown in our backyard garden) using my new Kitchen Aid mixer while donning my striped apron made in 9th grade HomeEc class. It was like a dress rehearsal for the role of ultimate homemaker, which I am about to become. I guess I'm ready, but do you really ever know for sure if you are? I feel like I'm perched on the edge of a great abyss, cluelessly staring into the unknown future of what it will be like to raise my children on "my own" and wondering if I can do it. In other words, I took on the role of motherhood with all the responsibility it requires yet still feel like a kid myself sometimes. And now I have two lives depending on me! I have a renewed appreciation for my mother and the questions and battles she faced in raising me and my brother as a stay-at-home mom. I blame her less and less for the emotional scars I bear now. She was doing the best job she knew how to do! And, I must admit, in hindsight she did a damn good job. So, as I head into this new chapter of my life (and one that everyone bets will be the best), I'm hoping for patience, tolerance, creativity, love and a willingness to let go. Dirty floors can wait, fun with my kids cannot. And, if you hear a loud squeaking sound coming from my wallet, it's me making my dollars stretch as far as they can since financial sacrifices will have to be made to make this possible. I've already cut the toilet paper use in half and have found there is no change in absorbency (Charmin really is the best!). I turn off lights in rooms that don't need to be lit, I recycle, and I'm busy researching all of the free morning activities available to my kids on weekday mornings. Oh, and I'm imagining a buff new bod, because you know stay-at-home moms have all the time in the world for workouts, right? Right? Ok, that was a joke. I'll consider myself lucky to shower.....once a week. In all seriousness, I am very fortunate and eternally thankful to my husband for having to retire a few years later so I can be present in our childrens' lives now. As they say, these are the most formative years of their lives and I need to be around to screw it all up!