Mama's Helper

Mama's helper? More like mama's savior! Twice a week, a 5'4" brown-haired, brown-eyed miracle walks through my door and transforms me from a frazzled, edgy, about-to-lose-my-mind mom into a calm, placid lifeforce who can tolerate the intolerable. Even though Brad endured a week from hell with the salmonella scare, it saved my life as a newly crowned stay-at-home mom. A few weeks ago I was desperate for something to do with the kids one night Brad had to work late and took them to Hernando Square's free summer concert. It was a great idea in theory, but I quickly learned that a feisty two year-old and an infant are quite different in terms of mobility. Layne was running across the Square faster than I could get my old bones off the ground and Harper, well, she couldn't exactly run with me. A family seated nearby took pity on me and soon distracted Layne with a Frisbee. If a light bulb could have gone off over my head it would have blinded the crowd - I had the best idea ever! What if the little girl playing with Layne could help me with the kids once I was at home full-time? I asked her how old she was: 11. I could work with that. I asked her if she babysat: Yes. I asked her what she charged: "Nothing really" was her answer. I knew I couldn't get away with that, but when her mother called me to set up her first gig we agreed on $5 an hour. What a deal! Today was the second day she came over to help. This girl is too good to be true. Not only is she polite, well-mannered and Layne's new hero, she cleans up after herself, has more patience than I've ever had with my own children, teaches them new things and loves to organize. She even ASKED me if she could organize Layne's closet. I'm tempted to call her "Mini Me" because I'm known to organize something that has just been organized. When I went upstairs to find the clothes in his closet color-coded by type of clothing and season, I knew then that she has therapy in her future (or a job hosting Clean House), but her OCD is working for me! So far the $24 I've spent on this God send has allowed me time to wash our comforter, mop floors, vacuum rugs (twice), organize Harper's clothes and hang new blinds in her room. I've also had the chance to get to know a pretty amazing girl who has a very bright, and well organized, future! See Brad, something good did come out of that contaminated lot.

Liquid Gold

Liquid gold. This is how I have come to view breastmilk and it shocks the hell out of me. I'm on the verge of weaning my youngest to formula and the idea of transitioning her from mama's milk to moo milk feels like trading in Victoria's Secret for a Wal-Mart $3.99 bra. I have become a total snob! I did not breastfeed our first child, and I felt liberated in my decision to go against La Leche's strong urging to give my child "nature's best food." I know plenty of women who have raised great children on formula (including my mother), and I have no problem with anyone who makes this choice. Six months ago I never would have imagined feeling this way about breastmilk, and six months ago I never thought I would be a nursing mother. When our daughter was born, I decided to try breastfeeding since it wasn't something I experienced with our first. However, the idea of anything touching my nipples almost convinced me to go with a bottle and after receiving no help from the nurses in the hospital, with the exception of Christena the first night, I thought it would be something I would give up sooner than later. I mean, a new mom who delivered via c-section can only take so much engorgement, cracked nipples and leaky breasts. I decided I'd take it one day at a time. Here I am, 150 days into it and still going strong. I actually have to close my eyes when I pour old milk down the drain because it pains me to see it go to waste. I'm sure there's a therapist out there who would love to tackle that issue! I find myself wanting to continue nursing as long as I can to ensure she receives the best food possible, even though running practically leaves bruises on my chin and I look like I should be working a pole. Maybe I feel this way because I want full credit? Since conception, every bit of growth and development has been fueled by my body. I take pride in those chubby cheeks and delight in her chunky thighs. Or maybe I feel this way because I know she is my last baby and every bit of transition with her will be difficult? I can safely say, though, that I don't want to be anything like that neurotic woman who breastfed her "babies" until grade school (www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxv6R9fUO74) and am glad I'm facing this struggle when she's 5 months old, not 5 years old. Whew, suddenly I feel much better knowing I could be crazier. Bottom's up!

MILF

I'm not saying I am one. I'm just now recognizing that I'm at the age where I could be CONSIDERED one. This was never more evident than at the pool today. My good friend, Courtney, and I were being splashed in the faces by our busy boys and I looked at her and said, "We're old." We're both in our mid-30's and we're now the moms who wear one-pieces, regulate our rule-breaking children and serve up peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch. The music was blaring overhead and an 80's classic by Poison came on the radio. I looked at her and said, "I bet the lifeguard wasn't even born yet when this song was popular and here we are singing it word-for-word." So, to humor myself, the next time I floated by him I casually asked his age. 19 was his answer. I had that "I feel old" thought again and not so much because of the actual age difference but because he gave me the pitiful "but you still look 19" line. Yeah right. I'd give him 25, but 19 is a stretch. So, being the mom that I am, I told this young, strapping lifeguard to enjoy life, not grow up too fast and don't settle down too quickly. I even thought to tell him to always wear a condom (don't worry, I didn't). He was personable and chatty and made me feel like my sage advice was not falling on deaf ears. His mama obviously taught him to respect his elders. Today really showed me that age is a state of mind. I don't feel 34 but I know I'm starting to look the role. Don't get me wrong, I know for a fact I would not want to be 19 again unless I could take with me all that I learned in my 20's. That was a hard decade. I'm just learning that "lady" and "ma'am" are titles that now apply to me and that if you blink too long life will pass you by. I love my life and love where I am on this journey. I wouldn't want anything to be different. However, every woman wants to know she's still got "it". So, when I exited the pool, I sucked in my stomach and hid my cellulite behind my two year-old. I'd like to think I caught the eye of the lifeguard............or maybe he was just stretching his neck? Sigh.